A sanctuary of black and white
where everything’s clear
clearly one or the other
no shades of gray, not a single color.
Only two options
as clear as it gets
no time to waste thinking maybe
just maybe, if it’s not a no
then it could be a yes.
There are no maybes and
there are no mightbes
no I’ll think about it
no I don’t know
no waiting, no wondering
just a stay
or a go.

A strange thing, this in-between
it strangles me
and I can’t breathe.
Uncertainty wraps its crimson scarf
around my chest
to smother my heart
but then—

Then it isn’t too tight,
it’s warm and it’s bright
and it fits.
I drape it around my neck, its tassels dripping
the drops never falling
it feels good not knowing
Uncertainty, yes
it means possibility
anything, everything.
Black and white,
like day and night,
just colors that blend into one another;
the purple of dusk
into indigo twilight
to golden pink of waking dawn
I was wrong;
I don’t want black or white
why would I with these vibrant hues?
one or the other? I don’t want to choose
I want lilac and periwinkle,
pink and rose and salmon and peach
(but maybe not coral
I never liked coral)
just no more box of black and white
of this or that
of yes or no
charcoal and soot and ash and snow
I want them all and all at once
I don’t want to fall
back into my pattern
back into my prison
I changed my mind,
don’t hold me to it

I sit and watch as the walls close in,
as the two extremes shut out in betweens
no maybes no mightbes
no possibilites
no maybe it could be
no might be anything.
Nothing but an answer
and no other color to soften the blow
of no.

You know you want to

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